As some followers of The Multicultural Politic, are aware, every now and then I translate the waffle and guff spoken during Prime Minister’s questions into ordinary language. The words in quotes are literal, everything else is inferred by me.
DISCLAIMER: This is only for fun not an accurate reporting of the event.
Berger: Cameron, you are a disgrace. Apologise to the 96 families of Hillsborough.
PM: This government is giving you a chance to whinge!
Jenkins: The Deputy Prime Minister is a dick on Europe.
PM: We will stay in bed with the Lib Dems cos we have to.
Ed M: What is the PM doing about the stability of the EU zone?
PM: We are arguing our case and got policies.
Ed M: Which powers are you clawing back from Europe and when?
PM: How dare you make a political question? It’s the ones you gave up
Ed M: The DPM doesn’t agree with you.
PM: Miliband You are a big Europe loving “mug”.
Ed M: Who speaks for the government? Do you want to dump EU worker protection laws? Yes or no?
PM: You are such an idiot.
Ed M: Please answer the question. Yes or no on EU social chapter question.
PM: You love the Euro and I don’t. Go and kiss Berlusconi
Tapsell: Don’t get hysterical.
PM: Wisdom, pure wisdom
MP: Has there been any money released by business help scheme?
PM: We have released funds and help real businesses. You silly woman.
Osborne (Lab): #RIPStuartWalker please let’s unite to help this case.
PM: The Police are the public. So everyone should help.
Barwell: Drug driving is a real problem in Croydon. PM: I agree, we will give the police more equipment and look into do more on this
McDonnell: Bankers are ridiculous, can we make sure we lock them up when they break the law?
PM: I agree and I’ll look into it.
Hames: Money is being cut to legal aid, please ensure there is enough money after cuts
PM: Everyone thinks legal aid should be cut
Blomfield: Let’s develop manufacturing
PM: Well it is in dire state but I broadly agree
Lumley: Can you look at how the schools budget is buggered up by Gove?
PM: The pupil premium works for all children
De Piero: Women hate the government more than men.
PM: Not my fault, I love women. I’m giving help to mothers everywhere.
Dorries: We don’t want an incinerator in my backyard. It’s bad for the environment
PM: We are changing the planning system to suit us.
Donaldson: “Hedgehogs have more rights than Christians”
PM: Maybe but we are right to use aid to threaten homophobic African countries
Lloyd (LD): Apprenticeships are great
PM: I agree, we’ll outdo Labour on making them more available
Hanson: The PM should scrap Labour’s prison discount
PM: We will replace it with something more right-wing but details later.
Macleod (Con): What can the PM do to promote more exploiters who are female?
PM: Women should just get on with it.
McGovern: Please ensure that we have access to all confidential Hillsborough papers
PM: I can’t confirm that but I will look into it.
Timpson: Adoption and foster carers are great. Does the PM agree?
PM: Yes I do.
Hillier (Lab): Where the fuck is the report about gangs?
PM: When we are ready, we’ll present it.
Baldwin (Con): Make the private sector more family friendly
PM: We are. Bloody Labour Party, never sympathetic with the private sector
Buck: The public want more police on the streets. You are stopping that
PM: No we’re not. 6% budget cuts doesn’t affect it. Boris is great
MP: Let’s do more building of homes.
PM: Absolutely, the best way to do that is to allow NIMBYs to control planning with no money.
Reed: Didn’t you say there will be no hospital closures on your watch?
PM: What I said is that I’ll improve your hospital and I have.
Wheeler (Cons): Free schools are great, please tell us your thoughts.
PM: I think they are great too. Terrible that Labour secretly loves it but are bound by the Unions. “Hypocrites”
Abrahams: Do what is right for our NHS!
PM: We are. Can’t you see the progress?
Brake: Isn’t education a key factor behind the #englandriots?
PM: Yes of course, but we need to support the courts in giving rough justice all the time like they did then.
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