This is our semi-regular account of Prime Minister’s Questions, each PMQ exchange has been condensed into less than 140 characters.
Though it is based on what was said, it isn’t a literal document so don’t sue us.
When upwards of 2 million public sector workers were on strike, hundreds of thousands of people were marching across the country against the government’s austerity cuts in pensions and public services… Members of Parliament crossed the House of Commons picket lines to shout at each other.
DISCLAIMER: THIS IS A JOKE
Nick Smith: Unemployment means we need more cash. Give us more exploiter zones
PM: What a fine moustache! Will bring to Wales soon
Drax (Con): Search & Rescue services shouldn’t be axed. This is disastrous.
PM: We want to make them work for free not axe their jobs
Ed M: A headteacher you praised for refusing to strike. Now she has.
PM: Strikers must accept austerity, this is as good as it gets!
Ed M: You love the strikes admit it. Negotiate
PM: In the pocket of the unions & don’t know facts. We are negotiating! You weak leftie
Ed M: Posh fucker Osborne’s ski holidays are cost more than dinner ladies yearly wage
PM: I don’t want the strikes. I’m fair… honest #pmqs
Ed M: Our £millions is from workers not rich bastards. What about unemployment?
PM: You spun budgets when in power. You taxed the poor
Ed M: You love unemployment. Haven’t you failed to balance the budget?
PM: Shut your trap. You love borrowing money.
Ed M: Its the Tories who are borrowing more because of failed policies.
PM: You are on the side of strikers… Weak bastard and leftie
MP: Women are better at conflict resolution in Afghanistan.
PM: Erm… yeah. We are doing great stuff, girls go to school now.
Greenwood (Lab): The OBR shows that your government has failed
PM: To appease the market, we have reduce benefits & living standards
MP: Full time trade unionists on public pay is a disgrace
PM: Absolutely, we will bring it to an end.
Kate Green (Lab): Make work pay!
PM: We are doing that by taking the poorest out of the tax system. Then cutting their public services
Rees-Mogg: Follow Ronald Reagan, sack all trade unionists!
PM: I thank the scab labourers today in schools and UKBA. Strikes don’t work
Labour MP: Is Pensions reform necessary?
PM: Fuck right off. I’ll calm down when you stop receiving union money!
MP: What happened to our embassy in Iran was a disgrace.
PM: I agree. There may be trouble ahead for the regime.
Closed question: Make early intervention a priority.
PM: Yes we will take children away from chav families to stop them robbing me in 10 years
Rosindell: Our flag is waving all over our scrap bits of empire.
PM: LOVE remnants of empire. Let’s celebrate Maggie’s war next year.
MP: My constituents are suffering due to your crap policies.
PM: It was your government that brought us here. Plan A is working!
Bruce (Con): My pensioners haven’t got public sector ones.
PM: Shitty Trade union leaders want to disrupt our country not the markets
Johnson (Lab): Subsidise our killing machine manufacturing companies!
PM: Absolutely I will make an exploiter zone for that company.
Spencer (Con): Aren’t these strikes are happening too early?
PM: Get it right, these strikes are WRONG. Workers should suck it up
Lab MP: Aren’t these workers just being demonised by your government?
PM: This is a serious issue so I’m giving you my serious voice.
Bingham: There is too much red tape in business.
PM: We will scrap workers’ rights to help small businesses and protect jobs.
MP: Your government is increasing child poverty, isn’t that true?
PM: We are throwing more money at the bureaucratic child tax credit
MP: Unions are not voters, its a disgrace they influence MPs!
PM: Miliband is worse than Kinnock, thought he didn’t back strikes!
MP: Isn’t this government increasing income inequality?
PM: Your government gave knighthoods to bankers!
Williams: You are reducing tax for big exploiters. Great, but what about smaller ones?
PM: We are trying our best, watch this space.
