Naomi Long (all): Publish your list of donors
PM: We do, but in NI it must be voluntary.

Barclay (Con): Dodgy foreign doctors are killing English people
PM: Let’s ensure doctors coming to England can at least speak English

Ed M: You are looking forward to cutting the 50% tax
PM: Fuck off, unemployment has gone down by a little bit. Get the champers out!

Ed M: Don’t celebrate 1 million youth unemployed. You are still mugging pensioners
PM: Your motion will get rid of even the 45p rate!

Ed M: A load of shit. U r taxing the poor & families, giving to the rich.
PM: What about top rate of tax? Ken is a tax dodger.

Ed M: Punishing charities isn’t a good tax policy
PM: Not defending Ken I see. Condemn Ken for paying less tax than his cleaner!

Ed M: Your budget was an omnishambles.
PM: Your by-election was a shambles, your Mayoral candidate is too. Plus more strikes threats!

Ed M: Your idiotic Cabinet gave dangerous fuel storage advice!
PM: You are in the pockets of a 3 million membered social movement!

McCartney (Con): Our mates in the markets are applauding our cuts.
PM: By cutting the welfare state first, the markets are not raiding our economy

McCrea (DUP): Meet families of the victims of the Kingsmill family
PM: I will send the minister and if I can come I will.

Gilbert: Why is the pasty tax fair?
PM: It is a hot food, all hot food must pay VAT.

McCarthy(Lab): Food banks on the increase, aren’t you ashamed?
PM: What is important is that we are not increasing interest rates

Bacon (Con): Local Lotus jobs are in danger! Beg the Malaysian government.
PM: I did my bit in sucking balls during my Asian tour

Pearce (Lab): Cutting jobs in HMRC is monumentally stupid.
PM: We have increased jobs in HMRC to specifically catch Ken out in future.

Freeman: Ken is a disgrace and makes a mockery of real exploiters across the country
PM: Totally agree. Ken should publish his taxes

Smith (Lab): Charity in my patch is great, please protect it.
PM: As it is my patch too, I’ll look into it.

Selous (Con): Is Modern Socialism getting your accountant to fiddle your taxes?
PM: Labour Party doesn’t stand for shit any more.

Blunkett (Lab): The Judicary wants to hang my mate for speaking against them. Do something.
PM: The judicary should grow up, but no.

Mosley: Monitor human rights in Burma while we open up its economy
PM: I agree, they need bourgeois democracy now.

Murray (Lab): Tax cut for millionaires, how much will you benefit from it?
PM: Come off it, you don’t believe in the 50% rate either

Uppal (Con): Asian women are being abused postal voting system.
PM: We need individual voting system, database state now!

Hopkins (Lab): Is the Granny Tax respectable?
PM: We haven’t cut their other benefits, so shut the fuck up.

Dinenage (Con): A family lost their child by our incompetent military police in Germany. Inquiry please.
PM: Will look into it.

Marsden: Churches can’t afford VAT on uplifting their buildings.
PM: It was a loophole, we’ve closed we’ll help our
churches.

Carswell: Yes Minister is true to life, you said in Malaysia. What happened
PM: I… err… oh grow up, you dick.

Clappison: Students should get places on academic merit
PM: Yup

Sarwar (Lab): Nick Clegg is a broken arrow. He doesn’t work and you can’t fire him.
PM: He has been great as my human shield

Perry (Con): How can we keep our children safe online?
PM: Very important subject, censorship to follow.

Green (Lab): Child benefit & tax credit changes are ruining lives
PM: You want to keep child benefit for yourself, you greedy cow!

Galloway: All three parties support War in Afghanistan, will you change your mind?
PM: Well done on coming back but no chance.

As heard by @justinthelibsoc