This is an interpretation of what was actually said

Skinner: Posh bastards Osborne and May were booed call an election now!
PM: We got a scab miner in the cabinet, Labour shld be proud.

Dorries: What’s happened to the boundary changes? Will I lose my seat if Clegg offers you party state funding?
PM: No interest in that.

Ed M: 2.5 years cut through the dither… who did he have in mind?
PM: That was a crap joke. I want every govt department to be for exploitation.

Ed M: #SaveOsborne Buy one treasurer get one free with Clarke. How many roads built?
PM: You are not butch enough to be PM, Miliband.

Ed M: Zero roads. The Paralympic crowd spoke for all of Britain. How many houses built?
PM: Labour got us in this mess!

Ed M: You created a planning system then call it shit in 6 months!
PM: The IMF have given me a good pupil report so there.

Ed M: All your initiatives have fucked up. Plan A has failed.
PM: We’ve got more people working in the private sector. so it’s working!

Ed M: Cut through the crap, get rid of Osborne
PM: I love Osborne, but you hate Balls!

Bruce (LD): We need more jobs in energy, build an energy academy for growth.
PM: We need to help the fossil fuel industry, so I’ll look into it

MP (Lab): Why are we borrowing more now than in 2010
PM: The deficit is down and Labour wanted to borrow just as much!

Blackwood: We need more foreign investment like BMW creating jobs!
PM: Absolutely, we are exporting more cars due to weak regulation!

McGovern: We got growing number of food banks and Save The Children are targeting the UK for the 1st time.
PM: That’s the Big Society

MP (Con): It’s great that part-time employment means the private sector is bigger than the public sector.
PM: Thank Osborne!

H Jones (Lab): Is this crappy economy, the PM’s definition of success?
PM: It takes time to fix the shit you dumped us in.

Williamson (Con): The automotive industry has grown under this govt. Unlike Labour!
PM: Praise be to the flexible, low regulated workers!

Timms (Lab): Save the legitimate foreign students of #LondonMet!
PM: Look some of these johnny foreigners couldn’t speak English! They can fuck off.

Harrington: Lots of new companies have started!
PM: Absolutely, by bashing the public sector, more people must become self employed.

Blomfield: Cutting Disability Living Allowance will endanger future Paralympians.
PM: Not cutting I’m *reforming* their benefits

Garnier: We need bigger regional airports such as Birmingham.
PM: Absolutely, let’s get a change to Heathrow that Labour can support

McGuire: 800,000 Disabled people will lose out. Get IDS to change it!
PM: IDS has listened and ignored, I can’t do bugger all about it.

MP (Con): Get NICE to change the law to help celebral palsy kids get the operation they need.
PM: I’ll look into it.

Anderson: Need help in a dispute with the NHS trust in my patch
PM: I’m sure Hunt will take it seriously

Reid: The DVLA contract should stay with the Post Office!
PM: The government can’t be seen to be protectionist.

Shuker (Lab): Do you have full confidence in the candidate Police Commissioner in Hampshire
PM: Elections haven’t happened yet! Vote Tory

Percy: Drainage dykes need to be saved from courts!
PM: All sorts of problems but the new Enviro sec will look into it

McDonnell: No if and no buts, don’t break your promise on Heathrow
PM: I won’t (in this parliament).

Baron: We need not to piss off the Scottish with Army reforms before a referendum. Let’s chat
PM: Top idea!