As heard by @justinthelibsoc

Twigg (Lab): Drop #BedroomTax & starving the poor, you fucker!
PM: Not fair to subsidise social tenants more than private landlords

Crouch (Con): Stop the dementia disease from spreading!
PM: Pensioners’ who vote for us deserve better. Big society will fix it.

Ed M: A banker friend needs you to stop capping his bonuses. Help him.
PM: Bonuses are down under the Coalition, you slimy toad.

Ed M: Why are you fighting this ineffective cap on bonuses for bankers?
PM: We must defend our backers for the national economy.

Ed M: Free market bollocks. We will lift a small finger for the deserving poor.
PM: Apologise for the economic crisis, dick face!

Ed M: You are taking money from disabled people with spare rooms
PM: We are removing subsidy from the working poor not pensioners

Ed M: Your own evidence says disabled are being hit with no help.
PM: Housing benefit is too expensive, we’ve got to subsidise her Maj

Ed M: Ignorant shit, you don’t even know what you doing. We’ll offer a weaker Toryism.
PM: Labour has nothing to offer Capital.

Pritchard (Con): South Asians should look after their women!
PM: Yup, let’s crack down on backward immigrants enslaving women

Connarty (Lab): Shameful growth of food banks. Help both rich and poor.
PM: It grew a lot under Labour but we are proud of it.

Skidmore (Con): We can’t lose the confidence of the markets or we’ll go bankrupt
PM: Exactly, this reality is ignored by Milishit

Stringer (Lab): NHS head is an shit stain, time to sack him
PM: He has apologised. I believe in giving people a second chance

Horwood (LD): #Eastleigh proves that licking Clegg’s arse will get me a job!
PM: Let’s see how long that will last.

Abrahams (Lab): You’ve withdrawn the section 75 regulations, haven’t you been caught out?
PM: Labour shouldn’t fear the market.

Lefroy (Con): Pending health cuts in Stafford are dangerous, stop this.
PM: Monitor will make the final decision, my hands are tied

Onwurah (Lab): #Bedroom tax is crap. Are you benefiting from 45% rate?
PM: By withdrawing the subsidy, we’re creating a bedroom market

Perry (Con): Remember International Women’s Day by praising the work of the police!
PM: Yup, International.. women’s week is it?

Campbell (Lab): Shoot the fucking fatcats stuffing their pockets!
PM: You mean like Labour did in 2008? Fuck off.

Selous (Con): Payday lenders are wankers. Support OFT
PM: Disgusting, the free market allows for this but I do support OFT.

Champion (Lab): Young people got no jobs due to tax cuts made by you.
PM: Workfare is going up, young people should be grateful

Sturdy (Con): Fewer smelly foreigners are arriving. Xenophobes can vote Tory.
PM: Indeed, we won’t let Asian students come here.

Reed (Lab): We need more police to stop the riots from happening again!
PM: You are wrong, we’re increasing PCs. We are for law & order

Russell (LD): UKIP as you said are loonies. How is the negotiations with them going?
PM: Eastleigh was fair, but Labour did even worse

Brown (Lab): Locals want big business to pay fair tax. Will you do the same?
PM: You like us on tax transparency. We’ll get more money

Bridgen (Con): HS2 is hurting business and property owners. Do something!
PM: Don’t worry. We’ll bribe to your nimbys.

Llwyd (PC): You are fucking up adoption aren’t you?
PM: No, we want speed up adoption as state parenting is very expensive & shit

MP: We’re solving the debt crisis. Labour wants to increase it.
PM: Yeah, we are creating sole traders at the fastest rate in history!

Creasy (Lab): Cut legal loans sharks now!
PM: We do need regulation, I agree with you.

Freeman (Con): Kenya is showing democracy the way forward. Dr King did well.
PM: We want to Kenya follow our example.

Many thanks to Forum for Fair Employment for hosting PMQs minus the bullshit while TMP was down.