Nabil , thank you …what follows is my response which I have posted on a few forums….Much Love to you x

I can not bring myself to post this on my FB page as it’s too personal and may upset and bring back awful memories for my family and friends so I post it here in the hope that it may make some people stop and think a bit more deeply about what’s going on….especially the people who have not been directly affected by Terrorism of any kind.

My Personal Experience of Terrorism

I want to apologise to any of my family who may be upset and angry about me writing something so personal about a family tragedy that to this day still affects us on many levels. I truly hope you understand why I do this. This is the most difficult post I have ever had to write since joining FB. May I ask you give me the respect of reading all the way to the end please x

To any friends who are offended by anything I’m about to say…..well…maybe you should remove yourself from my friends list. If you do, I still wish you love and all the best. X

20 years ago my family were hit by the most traumatic event we had ever faced. My young brother , he was 26, was murdered whilst on active duty in Northern Ireland. He was murdered by the IRA. He left his wife and 18 month old daughter with us.

Up until that point in my life I thought I’d felt pain and heartache…..I had no idea. The pain I felt instantly turned me into a person who could for the first time in her life, truly say she felt hate…pure unadulterated searing hate. I even remember my Mum say to me “I always told you all to never hate anyone, you may DISLIKE but never HATE…..I just feel HATE”….

We’re the kind of family, a family huge in numbers, who were taught to deal with EVERYTHING with dignity and strength. Therefore we all pulled together, and I mean ALL, friends and family….and we got through bringing him home and saying goodbye.

We did this with our heads held high, because once again when our heads dropped…especially on the day of his funeral, my Mum told us “Get your heads up, we will not give them (IRA) the satisfaction of seeing us cow-towed or getting anymore satisfaction from the pain they’ve caused.” And we did it….if she, his Mother could do it what right did we have not to???

So I’d like to suggest that everyone screaming for revenge should show Lee’s Mum the respect of deciding how people should behave by following her and her families lead.

However, as the months passed I got increasingly angrier and angrier, the pain just grew and grew. I began to notice that if I heard an Irish accent I’d clench my teeth, my body would tense and the hairs on the back of my neck would stand up, the rage would begin to pump through me to the point I would start shaking some times and would have to leave wherever I was as quickly as I could. I’d be thinking…”Was it you….or do you know who did it…..”

Then one night whilst lying in a bath I really became aware of what I was thinking……I was lying in the bath, planning how I could find out who did this, this “being” who had inflicted this pain on my family and who ripped from me one of the most precious people in my life. To the point I was visualising getting a gun and putting it to this persons head……the image shocked me so much I remember my eyes flying open and me sitting bolt upright in the bath and sitting there shaking.

I was stunned that me…someone like me….those of you who knew me before we lost him can vouch for the type of person I was and hopefully am again…who would never dream of hurting another human being (unless in self defence or to protect my family) had actually went through that thought process. Of course my own children also came into my head, , I was now thinking in a way that could have the most devastating effect on my kids, therefore, again the terrorist wins and my children would be without their Mum and my Mum would be without her daughter. How ridiculous would that be????

At that moment I realised, I’d become the same as “THEM” the people who had murdered my brother. I felt ashamed…totally ashamed…..and my brother would have been ashamed of me too…I was turning into the very type of human being he was trying to defend people from.

This was also the moment I decided that in fact, I could not let them win again…they would not in essence destroy the person I was as well as taking my brother’s life.

I decided that I would make a real effort to speak to people from Ireland…ridiculous eh?

I realised that I had to stop how I was thinking, I needed to connect with the reality of people from Ireland, be that North or South, no matter what religion. I have to say that at this time I was angry with both sides of the Troubles….you have to have 2 sides to have a conflict. I had to stop this and turn it round…ME! No-one else could.

Our family already included many Irish people and we had Irish friends. However, this resulted in me meeting two wonderful Northern Irish ladies who have been there for me and I hope I’ve been there for them. We keep in touch on FB and I love seeing the family posts and watching Joanne’s daughter grow up into a beautiful young lady, hopefully in more peaceful & safer surroundings than her mum did. I thank you both for doing that, it in some way adds some salve to wounds still very raw, it gives me hope that my brother didn’t die in vain. The only true memorial to all who lost their lives. I can only hope.

What I’m about to say next is not meant in any way to diminish the horrific and appalling death of Drummer Lee Rigby, and the respects I feel his family should be extended.

I have to ask this, yes, people were upset and angry when my brother was murdered, but I don’t recall a huge majority of people screaming racial hatred at the Irish or demanding we had marches to show our outrage at the Terrorism being inflicted on our own people. Does this mean my brother’s life was in some way less valuable? Obviously I am relieved that this is not the way people behaved but I think it’s a fair question for me to ask.

And if it was less valuable…..WHY????

At this point I’d like to say to people having a go about how soldiers aren’t heroes and if they didn’t sign up then there would be no war:

My brother passionately believed in what he was doing. He joined the Army truly believing he was going to be protecting people. His intentions were honourably, as I believe are the VAST majority of soldiers. Do we get “bad” soldiers, ones who join up for the wrong reasons, of course we do…but that’s true of every other occupation. Your normal “Squaddie” truly believes and are prepared to lay their lives on the line for people they feel need protecting…that in my eyes makes them heroes.

I will say that I disagree with our armed forces being in Afghanistan etc….but that does not diminish the admiration and respect I have for these men and women who patrol the streets truly believing they are there to protect people.

Is this what we have become ….a species who sneer at others who realise they are putting themselves at great risk in order to protect more vulnerable people? As much as I can understand your anger…..I feel you’re directing it at the wrong people.

Also, the people demanding a March against Islamic Extremists and to “Take back Britain”…..do you realise that these acts also put our serving army members at risk. Marches like these only incite more hatred, anger and, water any seeds sown by other factions…so you are in fact creating and feeding a situation that is already very precarious for the men and women you purport to be supporting and defending. Please stop and think about what situation you may create and who will have to deal with it, yet again putting themselves at risk………please, please stop and think.

I would like to at this point give my opinion of the Muslim Community, which I feel I have the right to do as I worked within this community for quite a few years. The families I worked with, quite a significant number, treated me with the utmost respect. They welcomed me into their homes and showed great appreciation for any support I gave them. They celebrated Christmas and Easter with me and were just as delighted as any other Mum when their kids got a part in the nativity play. They appreciated the opportunity of learning more about me, my culture and my family. The community included me in all their own celebrations. I was shown nothing but care and love from this community and learned many things. I still count many as my friends.

I also witnessed some attacks both physically and verbally that these ladies had to endure after 7/7. It didn’t matter that they were as horrified and as terrified of what happened as everyone else was. I also had someone spit in my face and call me a “Paki loving bastard” at one point…..My answer? “Better a Paki loving bastard, than an ignorant, disgusting excuse for a human being”….he got a bit of a shock at the retaliation and scuppered away…you see he was used to picking on the most weak and the most vulnerable. I do wonder however, upon reflection, where his hatred had stemmed from. A personal experience, or spoon fed the shameless propaganda from all sections of the media, both main stream and Social media that serves the most horrendous agenda…..

So I hope everyone reading this understands how disgusted and angry I am at the MSM and the Government’s handling of this heartbreaking and appalling incident and why I feel sick to the pit of my stomach when I see the Racist and inflammatory comments directed at a Community who have as much control of individual behaviours within their community as I have of mine.

When you start behaving as your enemy does…your enemy has won.

My wee brother would not want me to keep silent this time, he just wouldn’t…it’s not what he died for.

Drummer Lee Rigby, may you Rest In Peace young man, and be assured you are in good company and by all accounts so is my brother tonight.
Much Love x x