As heard by @JustinTheLibSoc

R Ali (Lab): 3 years ago, you said we’d be borrowing less. You’ve fucked up!
PM: I said we said savagely cut the state & we have!

Carswell (Con): Right of recall should be given to voters not MPs.
PM: Your Direct Democracy ideas are strange. Recall Miliband!

Ed M: You said A&E would get better… What’s happened baby?
PM: HAHA YOU ARE WEAK HAHA! We aren’t cutting the NHS like you.

Ed M: A&E have gone up under your government!
PM: It is Labour in Wales that’s fucking the stats.

Ed M: Gridlock in A&E, patients are in crisis. Pull your head out of your arse.
PM: Labour in Wales fucking up the NHS since 2009. Tories love the NHS.

Ed M: Chat about A&E! People are dying, you muppet.
PM: A&E is fucking up because of a rise in GPs wages! It’s Labour’s fault!

Ed M: Even your own man says A&E in the shit cos of NHS Reform!
PM: Mid-Staffordshire Hospital is how Labour cares for the NHS.

Ed M: Cock off. Obvious that our NHS is not safe in Tory hands
PM: Labour want scrap the benefits that they previously opposed!

Laing (Con): The xenophobes in my patch want an EU referendum or they’ll vote UKIP!
PM: I support stopping UKIP.

Edwards (PC): Thatcher said her greatest achievement was New Labour. Is yours One Nation Labour?
PM: I can do better than that.

Lewis (Con): Let’s vote before we arm the Syrian rebels. Fuck Hague.
PM: Yes, we won’t sneak anything past this house. Honest

Flello (Lab): Admit your reorganisation has buggered up the NHS!
PM: We’ve added more bureaucracy, I thought you’d be in favour!

Elphicke (Con): Is Labour consistent on welfare?
PM: They are on drugs! One minute they are against welfare cap now they are not

McKinnell (Lab): Stop dishing out pay-for-dinners with the PM!
PM: We will use this bill to abolish trade union funding.

Howarth (Con): European Court of Human Rights is fucking disgrace
PM: Jonny Serbian Judges have messed it up. We will change it.

Onwurah (Lab): We need green jobs now!
PM: Not an urgent issue is it? Let’s kick this into the long grass.

Sanders (LD): Punish judges who don’t send down kiddy fiddlers!
PM: I can’t comment on individual cases. But judges take note.

Woodcock (Lab): Why do you want to set up a body to recall MPs?
PM: We want to control it not leave it to the oiks.

Baron (Con): Hammond is shitting on Territorial Army Reservists! Need more
PM: Trust me, we will have the best army in the world

Durkan (SDLP): Nice you care about the poor. EU directive for 10% on biofuels is terrible. Let’s get rid of it
PM: You are right.

Coffey (Con): The RNLI lifeboat volunteers in my patch are heroes.
PM: I agree, charities run emergency services well don’t they?

McKechin (Lab): Will British taxpayers be subsidising johnny foreigners mortgages?
PM: Err.. Osborne will make an announcement.

Davies (Con): It costs hospital patients £42 to watch TV while prisoners pay £1 a week.
PM: Another fine mess that Labour created

Llwyd (PC): Legal aid means it is only justice for the rich.
PM: The cuts work. Even the Labour Party agree with us on this one.

Lefroy (Con): We are making more woodchips in my patch! The recovery is here!
PM: Exactly we must stick to the austerity plans.

Phillipson (Lab): You promised improved A&E times and it is worsening. Lying toerag!
PM: I promised not to cut NHS, Labour didn’t

Horwood (LD): Don’t downgrade my local hospital! I need the votes
PM: Look Labour want ANOTHER re-organisation! No-one wants that

Harris (Lab): A Tory MP was caught out & you want to attack unions
PM: Labour Peers were also caught out. Unions must be crushed

Jenkins (Con): Let’s build nukes now!
PM: FFS we didn’t get a majority so we had to compromise

Dobbin (Lab): Lee Rigby’s parents live in my patch. Let’s send our condolences
PM: His death was terribly useful, love the Army

Huppert (LD): My mate got a medal. PM should congratulate him. Ban cigarette brands!
PM: Well done but plain packaging? You joker