As heard by @JustinTheLibSoc

Hinds: Isn’t true that we can have excellent teachers on the cheap? Who needs educated teachers?
PM: I think Labour wants to ban David Miliband from schools.

Ed M: Do you agree that we should jail bankers ONLY if it happens again?
PM: I agree with this totally. Brilliant report.

Ed M: Yippee! So this will be made law ASAP?
PM: We will do that. Good thing we didn’t do a public inquiry eh?

Ed M: What about breaking up the banks! Do it!
PM: I’m not taking bollocks from Balls up. Labour made the biggest fuck-up ever

Ed M: Bank bonuses are still booming! What’s going on baby?
PM: Your peeps say that Labour fucked up over the banks. Apologise?

Ed M: Oi Dickhead! You thought the problem was too much regulation!
PM: It is Labour’s fault, IT IS LABOUR’S FAULT!

Ed M: You are giving tax cuts to bankers! Bonuses are going up!
PM: Well Labour was licking bankers’ arses when it was in power

Leigh (Con): Well done on EU, kicking out foreigners & privatising schools!
PM: Thanks, you got a knighthood for keeping MPs on side

Mahmood (Lab): 300,000 children have been pushed into absolute poverty. Proud of it?
PM: Problem is wages & benefits are too high

Brine (Con): We need more British tennis winners for British Tennis Competitions.
PM: Yup more subsidies for more middle class kids.

Meacher (Lab): The richer are getting richer and poor are getting poorer.
PM: Fuck off, the rich are paying more tax now

Main (Con): Listen to my NIMBYs so I can save my seat!
PM: We need to buy communities off, if Fracking is to go ahead.

Farrelly (Lab): Are you increasing interest rates on student loans?
PM: Got more poor kids into Uni. Let’s privatise more schools
Munt (LD): Let’s protect farmland in my patch from floods. I need to hang on to LD votes.
PM: Will look into it.

Hendrick (Lab): One in 3 kids are in poverty in my patch. Thanks you wankpot!
PM: It is Labour’s fault.

Brady (Con): NIMBYs are worried about HS2, let’s buy them off.
PM: HS2 is important. We will stuff Tory voters’ faces with cash

Raynsford (Lab): In Woolwich, we are fighting Jihadists with petitions. What are you doing?
PM: We are legitimising the EDL

Cash (Con): Let’s congratulate women for looking after their own in Africa. Pass my bill.
PM: I thought you hated black people?

Hilling (Lab): You pushed more kids into absolute poverty. Happy now?
PM: It is tough but workfare will set them free

Brazier (Con): Defend the states of Lebanon and Jordan from Jihadists.
PM: Syria first then we will support our allies.

Burden (Lab): Most kids in poverty have at least one parent in working! You lying cokehead!
PM: We focus on punishing the poor

Lloyd (LD): Doctors are being intimidated by the state for whistleblowing!
PM: We have fixed that. So it won’t happen again.

Blears (Lab): End unpaid internships, my local kids want minimum wage jobs.
PM: Unpaid internships are valuable for businesses

Thornton (LD): Don’t cut my local children’s hospital! Think of me.
PM: Look the right decision will be made.

Lucas (Green): When men look at nude women in papers they become rapists. It is a fact.
PM: Don’t agree & I love tits in the Sun.

Jones (Con): You did great stuff at the G8, ending tax havens. Well done.
PM: Labour are still dodging tax. Target for @UKUncut?

Barron (Lab): Has Lynton Crosby lobbied you for ciggies and booze?
PM: No but you are pathetic just like the Labour frontbench.

Mowat (Con): You saved a baby from poverty because Daddy was a soldier. Let’s save all army babies
PM: Will do

Ali (Lab): Homeless families are increasing. Why so?
PM: We need to build more houses, the bedroom tax pays for it. Labour now backs it.

Buckland (Con): Let’s have a free exploitation zone with USA!
PM: Yes, this deal could finally privatise the NHS.

Skinner (Lab): Hypocrite. You dodged tax. Explain why you switched houses on expenses!
PM: Er…I…er.. focus on Ed M please.