As heard by @JustinTheLibSoc
Harrington: Unemployment is down, #workfare & cheap labour is working!
PM: Good, more young people on less than the minimum wage!
Ed M: I love Bruce Keogh NHS report. But you are cutting nurses no?
PM: Thanks me too. We are putting more money into the NHS
Ed M: 4,000 fewer nurses since 2010. You have fucked up right?
PM: Oi dickhead. Failing hospitals have more nurses now than then.
Ed M: Lynton Crosby has nobbled you on fag packs climb-down hasn’t he?
PM: Entirely a coincidence. Labour did the same in office.
Ed M: We became for blank fag packs in 2010. So did you! Why did you change you mind baby?
PM: It is Len McCluskey’s fault!
Ed M: Crosby is running your government, PM for Benson & Hedge Funds
PM: Shut up. We got a lobby bill to stop Labour MPs for hire
Ed M: You’re licking Big Tobacco arse! Donors run Downing Street.
PM: #Winning the class war & kicked out Qatada, so swivel on it
Wollaston (Con): We need minimum pricing, don’t cancel it or I’ll lose my seat.
PM: We will make a change that businesses like.
David (Lab): You didn’t write back to my blind bedroom tax constituents. You promised!
PM: Will Labour scrap the tax though? #PMQs #MTB
Stuart (Con): We better not make welfare a human right!
PM: Fuck Labour! People are not entitled to survive on the state!
Campbell (DUP): Let’s get the yanks in to resolve the violent loyalist marches problem
PM: It is also the republicans fault too.
Hollobone (Con): Are we kicking out foreign scumbags quickly enough?
PM: We are getting their home country to put them in prison
Reynolds (Lab): Is the PM addicted to dodgy advisors?
PM: I might dump him cos Labour is fucking up their own election campaign.
Davies (Con): The NHS provides a better service in England than in Wales? Why? *innocent face*
PM: Labour runs the NHS for Wales!
Flynn (Lab): Record number of unanswered questions last week. ANSWER THEM YOU DICK!
PM: I have an election to win, motherfucker.
Ellis (Con): The latest job stats shows that #workfare works!
PM: Miliband hasn’t asked about the economy since Feb. Scared?
Lewell-Bucks (Lab): How many donors will be benefiting from top rate tax cut?
PM: Labour is bought by our largest social movement
Burrowes (Con): We have the greatest number of kids in workfare. The nation should follow!
PM: Absolutely good news
Timms (Lab): Major Tory donor gets a plush job for govt!
PM: Beecroft got only a report, the union gets the whole political party
George (LD): Let’s have a cap on benefits to rich landowners.
PM: We make sure that the EU Agricultural Policy is fair to HRH.
Howarth (Lab): Proud to be a trade unionist. Publish your dinners for donors list!
PM: Mills money for Labour was dodgy as fuck!
Gillan: My vote base will be ruined if HS2 goes ahead. STOP THIS or PAY UP!
PM: Very important, will pay up.
Goodman (Lab): Sending your donors to Kazakhstan. Shitbag
PM: Will also take them to India & Malaysia! I want MOAR exploitation!
Tapsell (Con): Portugal, Spain and Greece is being destroyed by the Euro. Do something
PM: We need to make the EU more profitable
Reed (Lab): Why don’t you give back the Polly Peck money!
PM: FFS. Labour actually helps tax dodgers before taking their money!
Offord (Con): Make sure Gove keeps giving money to my local free schools
PM: Yep we will.
Walley (Lab): Look at Lynton Crosby’s corrupting influence.
PM: Fuck off. It is a scandal that MPs represent a British Social movement!
Hughes (LD): Water rates are going up! Stop subsidises to these bastard companies
PM: Can’t condemn British exploiters. Sorry. #PMQs #MTB
Green (Lab): Did you ask Lynton Crosby where he gets his money from?
PM: Labour really are just Len McCluskey’s gimp aren’t they?
Griffiths (Con): Local person started “Drop your pants and save your life” campaign. Big up!
PM: Cervical Cancer is a vote winner
Labour cried and shuffled off to report the PM for not playing nice and that was the end of #PMQs for another week
