As heard by @JustinTheLibSoc

PM: Isn’t great that the Royals are able to spawn another Prince Scrounger?
Pincher (Con): Exploitation is up, exports up! The cuts are working!
PM: Yup Britain is open for exploitation

Ed M: Shouldn’t G20 support aid to Syrian refugees?
PM: We have a proud tradition of following up aid with bombs

Ed M: Syria makes me cry. What are you doing about refugees in Lebanon?
PM: We’re advising them in how to deal with illegal immigrants

Ed M: Get Syrian Opposition National Council to come to the negotiating table
PM: They also need guns. We must give them weapons

Ed M: I agree. But let’s get peace talks going.
PM: Yup, let’s give them guns and also push for talks. Putin may get on side.

Ed M: I hate chemical weapons. Should we get Iran to the negotiating table too?
PM: Remember we protect Western interests first.

Ed M: I’m pro-war but the British people aren’t to win an election we must be cautious.
PM: Yeah that’s why we are not doing it.

Kawczynski (Con): Some indicator is up, proof that Britain is working!
PM: We got more people in under-paid, part-time work!

Straw (Lab): There is a new President in Iran, you know?
PM: Err… yeah I’ve written to him. They must submit to our will now.

Cairns (Con): A poll says most people think Ed Miliband is a dickhead.
PM: Let’s wait for more evidence on that

Beckett (Lab): Why does Conservative Home oppose your lobby bill?
PM: Because it is run by the trade unions.

Dinenage (Con): Come to my patch to see watersports for Britain.
PM: Lovely, British boats for British tourists.

Corbyn (Lab): Can you smile more at the Iranian President? Might help in #Syria.
PM: Go eat shit. Iranians smashed our embassy!

Rutley (Con): #Workfare means more suffering working families
PM: Good, we’re proud of forcing parents away from kids into work

Ruddock (Lab): Don’t let Obama bomb Syria, it will fuck up the Middle East.
PM: We won’t bomb Syria, just provide intelligence

Norman (Con): Stop NHS discrimination against rural cancer patients!
PM: Privatisation will take it out of our hands.

Banks (Lab): Have you helped the foodbank movement?
PM: Allowed Job Centres to make referrals. Good to see the poor beg for food

Parish (Con): Now more exploited people than ever! Labour wanted people to survive on benefits!
PM: A tough job but we did it!

Phillipson (Lab): 2 & 3 year olds won’t get the care places that you promised.
PM: Read my lips: no child will be left behind.

Evans (Con): Got Exploitation fairs in my patch! The CUTS ARE WORKING!
PM: People in private sector up as wages have stagnated

Greenwood (Lab): Why has the PM not fought the energy companies?
PM: You plum. I’m intervening in the market to offer cheap deals

Clifton-Brown (Con): It is easy to get a job thanks to us. Labour would have fucked it up
PM: Labour wants the country to suffer

Doughty (Lab): After 5 years average workers will lose out on £6,660!
PM: We need to cut taxes more and leave it to the market.

Tapsell (Con): So if the US illegally bombs Syria, & Russia goes in to aid Syria. What will we do?
PM: No comment.

Hood (Lab): Aren’t you a fucking hypocrite by failing to tax the rich & pushing #BedroomTax?
PM: Will Labour reverse it though babes?

Hames (LD): 2 million refugees from Syria… Is Assad a good leader?
PM: Of course not, but Syria must fall into Western hands.

Keeley (Lab): Parents are getting loans to pay for school uniforms.
PM: Good. Schools should make profits, its the moral thing to do

Lewis (Con): There is no alternative to Trident, we’ve appeased the Liberals enough
PM: I agree. Soon time to fuck those Liberals

Mann (Lab): Real wages have fallen by £1500 under your government so far
PM: Yeah but it is not my fault & the market can fix it

Birtwistle (LD): Local capitalists in my patch are doing well. Please congratulate them.
PM: When Burnley Capital is doing well, so will the country!