As heard by @JustinTheLibSoc
Harris (Lab): Yes Somali terrorists are scum bags. Isn’t your marriage bribe, a cheap insult?
PM: I’m proud of it.
Evans (Ind): GPs are being cut & grouped up in my patch. Surgeries will be less available. Save my votes!
PM: I’ll look into it
Ed M: Nairobi justifies the surveillance state that Labour built. Is freezing energy prizes full communism?
PM: No.
Ed M: How comes most people won’t benefit from your energy tariffs reforms baby?
PM: Because you are full of shit
Ed M: Energy Prices have gone up £300 on your watch right?
PM: Governments cannot control market prices. That was the 70s.
Ed M: Why don’t you support my attack on the energy barons?
PM: Against intervention free market. Less regulation = lower prices!
Ed M: Your policy won’t help 90% of British people! You useless fart-bag
PM: Bloody Marxist! Keep Balls in Cabinet!
Ed M: Cost of living crisis! COST OF LIVING CRISIS! LOOK AT THE CRISIS!
PM: You want to create another debt crisis. #SaveBalls
Reid (LD): Benefits through post office is essential in my rural patch. Let’s keep it.
PM: The grey vote likes it so will do.
Jones (Lab): Why is it ok to intervene in the Housing market but not in the Energy market?
PM: We need to help the banks first
Nokes (Con): Let’s ban diet and illegal drugs selling in capsules on the internet.
PM: Interesting stuff, will look into it
Miller (Lab): Why you taking 2 billion a year from children?
PM: How dare you? I’m giving more money to Gove
Randall (Con): Aircraft noise in my patch is losing me votes. Do something guv.
PM: Eh? Can’t hear you mate. Speak up.
Hilling (Lab): More people on long term dole.
PM: We’ve forced a historic number of parents & young people into work. Be proud
Pawsey (Con): BBC said we’re getting better public services while cutting wages.
PM: I’ve died & gone to heaven. I love the BBC
Chapman (Lab): BoJo says Labour’s childcare guarantee is great. Do you agree?
PM: Well we all love children. Even feckless Blonds
Skidmore (Con): My locals want dangerous drivers to go to prison for longer!
PM: Max sentence is 14 years but if it gets votes..
Blackman-Woods (Lab): Energy bills are too DAMN HIGH! You are sucking up to Energy Bosses!
PM: That is proper politics.
Zahawi (Con): Basic economics shows that higher taxes stops effective exploitation.
PM: Exactly, Labour hates big business!
Brown (Lab): You are cutting money for health in the North East. Why shit on us?
PM: We increasing money into the NHS so eat it.
Swales (LD): The discrimination on VAT for colleges and sixth forms is evil I tell you!
PM: I’ll look at this modern day horror.
Sheridan (Lab): What personal sacrifice have you made as we are all in this together?
PM: McCluskey is happy with you fuckfaces!
Morris (Con): Permit me to use this important time to announce that my local council is idiotic. That is all.
PM: Ok.
Berger (Lab): We need economic stimulus in social reproduction! Copy Labour & subsidise childcare!
PM: We are moving to it.
Crockart (LD): Deaf people is getting nuisance calls. DESTROY THIS MENACE!
PM: We have the Telephone Preference Service you dick
Llwyd (PD): Wasn’t it jaw jaw better than rushing in to bomb Syrians?
PM: No the lesson is that US government threats work.
Davies (Con): Mortgage rates need to be low. They’ll go up under Labour.
PM: Precisely why we need to cut borrowing!
Danczuk (Lab): President of Sri Lanka is friends with a rapist. Are you happy to meet him at the Commonwealth meeting?
PM: Yes.
Ottaway (Con): The scrap metal bill has raised money for us! Hurrah!
PM: Indeed let’s tax these poor working scumbags.
Green (Lab): 82% of the marriage tax beneficiaries break are men. Why do you hate women so much?
PM: Fuck off you cow.
Berry (Con): When the EU forces people to buy 20 instead of 10 fags at once, it’ll cut down smoking!
PM: What have you been smoking?
Woodcock (Lab): You called same-sex marriage law a big mistake?
PM: Me? I love that relationships should be approved by the state
Reckless (Con): Boris is a dickhead. Let’s confirm this now.
PM: There is still a review ongoing on that.
