As heard by @JustinTheLibSoc

Elliott (Lab): NHS funding in my patch is redirected to richer places? WTF?
DPM: Not my problem. I love the NHS

Watkins (Con): Locally we’ve kicked out 1000+ families from their homes & got richer ones in thanks to #BedroomTax
DPM: Good work

Harman: Will this winter’s energy bills be lower or higher than last year’s?
DPM: You’re just a bag full of shit & wind.

Harman: Fuckweasel, admit energy bills are going up! Will these cuts be based on profits?
DPM: LALALALALA. You can’t count

Harman: Last week PM lied about #bedroomtax exemption for the disabled. Apologise!
DPM: Errr, it was Len McCluskey’s fault

Harman: Where should the #bedroomtax evictees move to dickhead?
DPM: Labour started this fiasco, so we are perfecting it.

Harman: We fucked over new claimants. You are fucking over everyone.
DPM: W/out LibDems, there would be no recovery for the rich!

Harman: If you want a slighter more principled version of the Lib Dems, vote Labour.
DPM: Yeah wotevs babes.

H Smith (Con): What can be done to save small exploiters?
DPM: Errm, Osborne has that task not me. But I love the economy

MP: Almost all Lib Dems are against #bedroomtax why not Clegg?
DPM: Heard Labour have pledged to be tougher on welfare than us.

Pincher (Con): HS2 are claiming they’ve won already! My NIMBYs could cost me my seat.
DPM: Money will be doled out in time

I Austin (Lab): Why is my patch left out of the cash given out to local authorities?
DPM: You are not part of the coalition mate

Beith (LD): We got the Energy gig but can we show that we’re greener than the Tories please?
DPM: Should be easy enough to do

Powell (Lab): Women workers are getting paid less for same work. Will married man tax break help?
DPM: No. Women are great though

Heath (LD): We’re still waiting for high speed broadband. Sort out before 2015 please or I may lose my seat.
DPM: Erm… maybe

Wilson (Lab): Leaving the EU is bad for worker exploitation. DO you agree?
DPM: It would be a fucking disaster to leave the EU.

Burley (Con): Problem w/ the Benefit cap is that it is TOO DAMN HIGH!
DPM: Most people think the current level is fair.

Mahmood (Lab): Labour wants to save exploiters. Praise Labour for our plan.
DPM: Ha! I’m in this position cos Labour cocked up.

Nuttall (Con): How much is the EU worth to the world market output?
DPM: Around 20%, even PM says we need a new China-EU deal

McKechin (Lab): Royal Mail was sold cheaply. Value for money?
PM: We followed the rules and advice given at the time.

Blackman (Con): Let’s jail rogue landlords! Care for vulnerable by destroying their homes
DPM: Yeah I could look good with this!

Raynsford (Lab): H&F Council is closing a good local school for a “free school”
DPM: Changed Whitehall bureaucracy w/ a Gove one

Kennedy (LD): From what I’ve seen, the Tories in government act as pro-Europeans, great news!
DPM: Ha! Good one.

Gwynne (Lab): Why are more old people dying in this winter? Why?
DPM: Because you are talking down the NHS mate.

Uppall: English FA matches are being fixed. Sort it out.
DPM: I love football. This proves the British FBI is doing well.

Llwyd (PC): Local constituent being summoned. Don’t allow Italy to put her child into care.
DPM: Foreign courts, not my business

Baron (Con): LDs are getting a reputation of being lying hypocrites. Want EU referendum NOW!
DPM: Promised to do it next time.

Stewart (Lab): Did we get value for money on selling the Royal Mail?
DPM: Yep, no doubt. Don’t watch the markets, it is a bubble.

Bone (Con): DPM is almost a Tory, let’s keep those fucking Bulgarians out
DPM: No we’ll make it terrible for them on arrival here